I don’t know if you realized, but baby animals are cute. I am a fan of baby animals and you know who doesn’t like baby animals? Cat Hitler. Don’t be like Cat Hitler. And don’t just look at baby animals on the internet. LOOK AT BABY ANIMALS IN THEIR BABY FACES. That’s why I’ve decided to gather some baby animal opportunities around the country because I have received a notification about a baby ocelot at the Dallas Zoo. And there’s a pretty new baby elephant at the Fort Worth Zoo that would love to meet
me you as well. Who doesn’t like baby zoo animals?
Kittens and pachyderms aren’t your thing (monster)? Well, you’re in luck, there’s a teeny tiny baby monkey at the Houston Zoo. The baby is a pygmy marmoset and is just the furriest little guy while it clings to the back of a family member all day long. Monkey backpacks will probably be the new school trend this season. Then, we can head on over to the San Francisco Zoo (fun fact, I used to live there) and see the wee baby gorilla. If you can say no to this little squishy face then you deserve to have your testicles eaten by a fish. She was born in July at five pounds of wrinkles. I just can’t even. Next, we’ll visit the baby okapi calf in St Louis. This little gal is part zebra and part anteater, it seems, but she’s definitely all cute and fuzzy. At Miller Park Zoo, they’ve had two baby Wallaroos born this summer, which reminds us not to leave Australians in charge of naming things, ever. Then we can visit the baby giraffe at the Seattle Zoo. If you’re into spindly legged babies learning to navigate this world (who isn’t??), this baby might be right up your alley.
And finally, the red panda babies at the Detroit Zoo…
We may have to fly up there just to see them! Red pandas are so awesome. I want one. But I can’t. And you can’t either because I said so. Red pandas are about the size of a house cat (OMG, why do they have to be so perfect for cuddling?) and are not related to pandas at all. In a perfect world, me and my red panda, Steven, would be best friends and go around educating small children on why they can’t be best friends with Steven because
he likes me more than some smelly kid he’s endangered. Steven, I’m here when you’re ready. I know it’s hot as balls out there these days but some zoos are staying open later to encourage people to drop by, so when are you going?