Being Kate Middleton Must Suck

I don’t actually follow British royalty in the way so many around the world do, and it feels somewhat unnatural to write this post, but I feel so damn sorry for Kate Middleton right now.

Yes, I understand, Kate’s the future queen. She’s married to Prince William, and he seems to be liked rather well over the pond. They met in college and had a fairy tale wedding and she’s pretty and now they’re having a baby and she got sick, and I GET WHY ALL THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW. I just don’t think it makes it right for us to know.

First, girlfriend can’t even go to the French Riviera without someone breaking out the telescopic lens and trying to catch a shot of her boobs. Hey, I’ve got news for you; that’s a common thing in the Riviera—the topless thing, not the telescopic lens thing.

Then, low and behold, Kate gets sick (and, for the record, hyperemesis gravidarum is NOT really bad morning sickness—it’s the epitome of all morning sickness. It makes morning sickness look like a ticklish throat or a low grade fever. Media—stop saying she had a bad case of morning sickness. No, doctor’s thought what she—and many other women– went through was significantly different enough from morning sickness that THEY GAVE IT A DIFFERENT NAME all those years ago), and because she had to spend four days in the hospital she had to play her pregnancy card weeks before they intended to tell everyone. THEN, A NURSE COMMITTED SUICIDE when she was pranked by a radio station, and thought she was talking to Queen Elizabeth over the phone.

Now, everyone is trying to figure out when she’s really showing, when her due date is, what the sex of the child is, and what they will name the child. You know, I thought random strangers approaching me while pregnant and trying to touch my stomach was the worst bit of pregnancy. Now, I think a handful of random strangers trying to touch Kate would feel like a vacation, compared to the constant blitz she’s under.

So, today’s Kate headline is based on a video, and more importantly, a woman’s account (you can’t actually hear it on the video) of an alleged slip-up where Kate may have accepted the gift of a teddy bear by saying:

“Thank you, I’ll take that for my d …”

To which, the conversation with the ‘source’, Sandra Cook, went as stated:

“I said to her: ‘You were going to say daughter weren’t you?’ and she said ‘No, we don’t know’. I said, ‘Oh I think you do’, to which she said: ‘We’re not telling.’”

Oh, they’re having a field day with that one. She’s having a daughter! She must be having a daughter! She slipped up!  There will be a new princess sometime in July! They’ll name her after the Queen!

STOP. IT. Can these new parents (because no matter what else they may be, they are going to be parents) get a break? Can Kate be left in peace for a little while? She is growing a miniature human being! All by herself, she is growing another person! Doesn’t she deserve a break? Doesn’t she deserve the chance to go outside, on occasion, without everyone getting in her business?  Or eat something weird without the pundits and medical experts around the world trying to figure out what it all means? Can we stop buying and clicking on everything Kate for a few months, and let this poor, pregnant, mamma catch her breath? We don’t need to know what the sex of the baby is, or what they will name the child, or the minute details of Kate’s pregnancy. Some things are better left unsaid (trust me), and some things will be obviously apparent in just a few short months.

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