Boobs: Can The Grammys Keep Them Undercover?

When you hear the phrase “undercurve of the buttocks” or “bare sides of the breast,” you’re probably thinking…hmm I’ll bet this is some racy novel, let me read more. Then you read the word “problematic” and you’re like, what the hell? Well unfortunately it seems all of those words were in an email sent out by the Standards and Practice Department over at CBS, in anticipation of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards.

Grammy-girl you have been showing off way too much, and while the world-wide audience may have enjoyed those headlights, the censors did not quite share the same enthusiasm for your butt and boobs. The email was specifically targeted to the on-air talent, as well as audience members who might be shown on camera. And while the email also mentioned avoiding profanity on t-shirts and any endorsements which might be seen that could piss off the sponsors, the meat of the email is as follows:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.

“Puffy” bare skin exposure. In the genital region. I’m sorry, but don’t all body parts have a real name? Or did they think the “talent” might not understand the anatomical designation?

will they ban the undercurve?

Can you just imagine the conversations going on between the “talent,” and I use that term very loosely and their managers, agents and stylists? Think J-Lo. Think Pink. Think Adele… well maybe not, but just think of the loss. The sheer fabrics, the side boobs, gone all gone, dear god, the side boobs have been banned.

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking there will probably not be a shortage of exposed body parts come Sunday night. Because really, what’s the point of being a pop star and not airing out your crotch on TV? And why should they cover up… after all, if we’re not distracted by their nipples, we might actually hear them sing.

Maybe that’s what should be banned.

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