Thought we’d take some time today to catch up on the weird, and seriously weird side of things sexual.
Let’s start with breasts. All you guys out there working out… need a little incentive to pump it up just a little more? How about lifting breasts instead of weights. Ok, so they’re technically still weights, but these are in the shape of luscious, large (or small or medium) boobies. Someone in a Ukrainian Ad agency came up with the idea to sell kettle-bell weights in the shape of a pair of breasts. Choice of color: black, silver or gold, and complete with high-beams, er, nipples. While these girls may not be high maintenance, they ain’t cheap. The 35 pound weight sells for $375, the 52 pounder goes for $435, and the Double D Cup will run you $495. That’s a big chunk of change for a chunk of metal, because after all, they are not real, even if they are magnificent.
On to balls. Men, you might want to learn this one lesson. Never try to get between a woman and her parking space. A woman in China took her scooter to pick up her child from school, and parked in front of a local store. Unfortunately the store owner decided to argue with the woman about her parking in front of his store. Things got a little out of hand after she called her husband, and he and her brother came down and joined in the free-for-all. Apparently the shopkeeper was holding his own against the two men because at some point the woman got back into the fight. She grabbed the store owner by his testicles and kept on squeezing. She literally squeezed the life out of him. He later died in the hospital. He should have paid attention to the saying in his fortune cookie: “man who bans scooter finds woman who breaks balls.”
Then there’s the dogs. Now I don’t know about you, but when I was 23, sex was kind of new and, ok, while not always great, it was still exciting. So how bored can you possibly be at that age to resort to having sex with the family dogs. And letting your husband make a video of it, and put it on the internet. Did I mention the husband is a member of the 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, NC? Yeah, that too. Now there’s kinky and then there’s dog fucking. If you’re gonna do that shit, don’t put it on the internet. They’ll just haul your sick asses off to jail. Now they’re locked up and the dogs are in protective custody, soon to be in a doggie relocation program.
Moral of the story is, if you’re a man you can grab a handful as long as they’re metal. If you’re a woman better go easy on the grabbing. And if you’re a dog and someone starts grabbing yours, run like hell or you’ll end up in the dog pound.