Oh Britney.
*sigh*
I really want to like Britney Spears, y’all. I really do. She’s had a tough go of it for the last few years, what with all the mental issues and bad weaves. And let’s not forget that giant ass-pimple, aka Kevin Federline, that she had to deal with. And yes, I will freely admit that I still have her song Toxic on my iPod. What? It’s only on there because it is the right tempo for my workout. Shut up.
But all these “comebacks” she’s been trying to stage the last couple of years just make me sad. When she was promoting her Circus tour in 2009, I saw her on one of the morning news shows and yes, her body looked awesome but her eyes? Completely dead. Vacant.
Me: Why is she touring already? It’s too soon.
Husband: Who cares?
Me: I mean, look at her eyes. She needs to be far away somewhere, resting. Poor thing.
Husband: *silence*
Me: And this song really isn’t that good, right?
Husband: Are you still talking?
It’s nice being married to a man who enjoys hearing your opinion on important news stories, right ladies?
So now Britney is back again. And she did an interview for Out magazine where she shares some riveting information with us. Apparently she thinks Lady Gaga is “unique” and her kiss with Madonna was “cool”.
Wow. So interesting.
And then there are a few black and white photos of her dressed in, well, not much. In a few shots, she’s wearing a black leotard (I guess?) that is so high cut, you can see her crotch tattoos. My favorite is the cross. Nothing says classy like placing the symbol of Jesus Christ’s crucifixion right next your vagina.
In another pic, Britney shows us that she still has the ability to hold her leg up by her head while pouting sexily at the camera.
meh.
Okay, I wish I could do that last thing. So does my husband. A real lot.
But other than that? Not interested. I don’t get the fascination people have with her. I don’t want her to make more growly throat music, or (please God no) more futuristic videos featuring her floating in the air and making baby-deer-vulnerable-eyes at the camera while wearing rubber stuff and/or 80′s Madonna lace corsets.
What I do want her to do is wash off that eyeliner, crawl into bed, drink some orange juice and grow back her natural hair. And then maybe learn some new dance moves before staging your next comeback, Brit. Because, girlfriend? That little hop, twist, head jerk, shoulder shake thing is sooo Baby One More Time.
Jerrod
03/14/2011
Home run.
Jen O.
03/14/2011
I can do that leg thing, but it usually gets stuck. Try peeing like THAT.
Jules
03/14/2011
I can do that leg thing too. I try not to show off too much though. I usually teach that way though.
AndyGirl
03/15/2011
yeah I could do it when I was a ballerina. now I’m just an old cat lady and my vibrator doesn’t care what my legs do.
laughingmom
03/14/2011
Toxic for your workout! What’s next – DDR to some other tune? Great post ! But, let’s not forget thet Brit’s droopy eyes are no doubt due to sleep deprivaion from her two kids…poor mommy.
Chelle
03/14/2011
I totally did that leg move when I was in labor. I looked a lot like her that whole day, actually.
Elly Lou
03/14/2011
Can we not talk about anything labor related?
AndyGirl
03/15/2011
BAHA!
Miss Yvonne
03/14/2011
Great, apparently everyone can do that leg thing except me.
sparekitty
03/14/2011
i absolutely canNOT do the leg thing. you must be in GREAT company. LOVE your stuff!!!
Classic NYer
03/14/2011
I can’t either, and I’m not certain why so many of you ladies are even trying… legs belong pointing downward. Or at least mine do. Sorry, gentlemen. No sexy theatrics from Classic…
Kimberly
03/14/2011
Miss Yvonne…I can’t do the leg thing either. When I try I get a terrible hip cramp. Does that mean I need a new hip? Surely hope not.
Love this post!
Rece
03/14/2011
I’ve always found her annoying. At least when she was bald she was somewhat interesting. Now, blah.
Heather Brizzi
03/14/2011
Um, so wanna be able to do that leg thing. I talk about being able to do it all that time…and the more I drink, the more I believe I can. Kinda strange. But a fun thought nonetheless!
WowThatWasAwkward
03/14/2011
Yeah, but I still wouldn’t kick her out of bed. And neither would you (or the Cap’n).
Vegetable Assassin
03/14/2011
I can suck my big toe does that count?
I think Britney’s a bit behind the times. “Coked out skank ho” was last decade’s pop tart look. This decade should be a new trend – maybe healthy, brunette, natural look pop tart. Now THAT would be outrageous.
As for her music, I just don’t get it. I don’t. Anyone can squeal into a microphone and have it autotuned. I liked her better when she was 16 and her songs had tunes. And with that I just turned into my own mother.
Miss Yvonne
03/15/2011
Ummmm…yes. Yes it does count.
AndyGirl
03/14/2011
I saw a commercial for her new perfume the other day and thought, wow Britney Spears is still alive? yeah. really thought she’d died.
Miss Yvonne
03/15/2011
She has another perfume out? Because the first five weren’t gross enough already?
AndyGirl
03/22/2011
I think she should give in a make an Axe perfume. it’s all the same.
Eva Gallant
03/14/2011
Excellent and right on!
Traci
03/15/2011
I can’t do the leg thing either! But this post made me laugh about Britney’s dance moves…she definitely needs some new ones!!
Nina Patricia
03/15/2011
wait? Dint Britney won a Grammy this year? DAMMED IT!
I still work out to “Boys” and “:you drive me crazy” she is truly my idol, if you take the hair, the bad relationships, the bad music, the old outfits, the breakdowns and Kevin, she is truly amazing.
LOVE HER.
I can do the leg thing, but hubs has to help
TILTE
03/15/2011
My usual leg position is wrapped up in a blanket while eating Pringles and watching Judge Judy. It’s true.
Miss Yvonne
03/15/2011
Me too. Except instead of Judge Judy, it’s Say Yes To The Dress. And instead of Pringles, it’s a pitcher of margaritas.
Lance
03/15/2011
Two things happen to pop stars, they either disappear and become irrelevant or they turn into Madonna; old, bitter, and sad.
My wife lurves her some Britney, I don’t get it either. At least madonna made Like a Virgin, Like A Prayer, and Ray of Light.
mossum
03/15/2011
I can do that leg thing, but only when I read your posts, Miss Yvonne. *stalker wink*
Miss Yvonne
03/15/2011
Rawr!
I bet you’re enjoying the view through my front window better now that I’ve finally trimmed the shrubs, huh?
mossum
03/15/2011
That sentence was so chock full o’ euphemisms!
summer
03/15/2011
You know who can totally do that leg thing? Barbie…but you have to remove her leg and replace it back in the socket facing the opposite direction. What I’m trying to say is that shit ain’t normal…
Alyson
03/15/2011
Agreed: Home run.
Miss Yvonne, out of all the writers that got on board with this site, you were the one I was most excited about.
But not at all in a creepy way. And only 40% of that was because of your hair.
Miss Yvonne
03/16/2011
Awww, that’s so sweet. My hair IS pretty awesome.
joanna jenkins
03/18/2011
Oh Miss Yvonne, This is a perfect example why I’ll read you anywhere, even here on this new blog. High Five on this one. You cracked me up.
xo jj
justmakingourway
03/18/2011
It’s like one of my favorite lines from Jaws, “It’s like a doll’s eye.”
Love it.
Bryan
05/25/2011
I don’t know if you’re serious maam, but any ‘NEWS’ about Brittany Spears is not important at all. Your husband should have gotten up and walked out of the room when you started talking about it. If I were him I’d divorce you for even spewing this meaningless drivel while I’m trying to relax. Articles like this are the reason why Men think they’re better than Women. The fact that you’d take the time to even talk about something so inconsequential just reinforces the point.
Chelle
05/27/2011
I have to agree, Miss Yvonne. I would totally divorce you on the spot too. ON. THE. SPOT. You have to think harder about what your husband wants you to talk about, you got that? You don’t want him thinking he’s better than you.
Geez. I can’t believe you’re out just ruining up women’s reputations all over the place like this. The shame must be nearly unbearable.
Miss Yvonne
05/27/2011
Bryan, I’m as serious as a heart attack.
And if I was your wife, I would divorce you for not spelling Britney’s name correctly.
Bryan
05/27/2011
I actually don’t have a wife.. I value my sex life too much, toots.
Chelle
05/27/2011
I made an origami cock and balls today for my husband while he was on the phone today. Flowery.
Just throwing that out there.
Jules
05/28/2011
Does that get you more sex or let you sleep more?
Just a question.
Chelle
05/28/2011
Wait… was that question for me or Bryan?