I really want to like Britney Spears, y’all. I really do. She’s had a tough go of it for the last few years, what with all the mental issues and bad weaves. And let’s not forget that giant ass-pimple, aka Kevin Federline, that she had to deal with. And yes, I will freely admit that I still have her song Toxic on my iPod. What? It’s only on there because it is the right tempo for my workout. Shut up.
But all these “comebacks” she’s been trying to stage the last couple of years just make me sad. When she was promoting her Circus tour in 2009, I saw her on one of the morning news shows and yes, her body looked awesome but her eyes? Completely dead. Vacant.
Me: Why is she touring already? It’s too soon.
Husband: Who cares?
Me: I mean, look at her eyes. She needs to be far away somewhere, resting. Poor thing.
Me: And this song really isn’t that good, right?
Husband: Are you still talking?
It’s nice being married to a man who enjoys hearing your opinion on important news stories, right ladies?
So now Britney is back again. And she did an interview for Out magazine where she shares some riveting information with us. Apparently she thinks Lady Gaga is “unique” and her kiss with Madonna was “cool”.
Wow. So interesting.
And then there are a few black and white photos of her dressed in, well, not much. In a few shots, she’s wearing a black leotard (I guess?) that is so high cut, you can see her crotch tattoos. My favorite is the cross. Nothing says classy like placing the symbol of Jesus Christ’s crucifixion right next your vagina.
In another pic, Britney shows us that she still has the ability to hold her leg up by her head while pouting sexily at the camera.
Okay, I wish I could do that last thing. So does my husband. A real lot.
But other than that? Not interested. I don’t get the fascination people have with her. I don’t want her to make more growly throat music, or (please God no) more futuristic videos featuring her floating in the air and making baby-deer-vulnerable-eyes at the camera while wearing rubber stuff and/or 80′s Madonna lace corsets.
What I do want her to do is wash off that eyeliner, crawl into bed, drink some orange juice and grow back her natural hair. And then maybe learn some new dance moves before staging your next comeback, Brit. Because, girlfriend? That little hop, twist, head jerk, shoulder shake thing is sooo Baby One More Time.