Dude, Where’s My Turtleneck?

Next month, the closing night feature at the prestigious Sundance Film Festival will be a low budget, independent movie about the life of the greatest technological genius ever, Steve Jobs, starring a guy who was in Dude, Where’s My Car?

Soak in the pretention. Gurgle the ill-tasting backwash of one talentless egomaniac playing a talented egomaniac. Now spit it out. Ashton Kutcher, the guy from Twitter and Charlie Sheen’s back-up on Two And A Half Men, will portray the life of a man compared to Thomas Edison and Henry Ford

Apropos, considering that it takes a month to rehabilitate from drugs, jOBS was made over 28 days, in Los Angeles, last spring. Here’s the soon to be former Mr. Demi Moore “acting” like Steve Jobs on acid in the 1970s.

So far, there are no set pictures of Ashton as Steve in a Turtleneck, Levi’s and New Balance tennis shoes showing how his new invention, the iphone5, will change your life for six months til the new iphone6 comes out, but, I can’t wait to mock.

jOBS, yeah it’s really titled that way, maximizing the annoying douche factor, is tentatively scheduled to be released to select theaters (translation – ones that ignore the negative online review from Sundance) in the spring. It will likely compete and be compared to another movie, Steve Jobs, from the best selling Walter Isaacson book and written by Aaron Sorkin of The Social Network. That movie will have more budget and talent, although who’s playing Steve Jobs hasn’t been announced. I nominate Noah Wyle, who was excellent as the Apple All-Star in The Pirates of Silicon Valley, in 1999.

I have a few questions, totally knee jerk from the set pictures.

Why couldn’t Ashton find an exact replica of Steve’s button down shirt? I saw one just like it at Goodwill last week.

There’s a picture of Steve Jobs’ girlfriend on the table, not a computer, so where’s a picture of Mila Kunis, or that stripper Ashton banged last year, on his table?

Why didn’t Ashton hold out for Aaron Sorkin’s Jobs’ flick?

Wait I think I know the answer to my last question.