Forget Baking a File in a Cake…

I’ve never been to prison, myself, but all the movies tell me that sneaking contraband into prison and then trying (oftentimes, unsuccessfully) to escape is all the rage. We see prison breaks (hell, we make TV shows about prison breaks) all over the place in pop culture. The quintessential method used in the movies of my childhood was the ubiquitous baking of a file in a cake. Because no one’s ever going to hear you slowly filing a hole through the bars, am I right?

Well, one of the 263 prisoners in the prison in Arapiraca, a city of 215,000 people in the state of Alagoas, had a better idea. A much better idea. With the assistance of their accomplice, they apparently trained a cat to bring in the contraband, which included a cell phone, memory card, phone charger and saws. The cat had the items duct-taped to their midsection. Brazilian prison guards were surprised to see the white cat sneaking through one of the prison gates, and even more surprised when they apprehended said cat, with the items taped to its stomach.

Here is said prison helper... He's no prison rat, either.

Here is said prison helper… He’s no prison rat, either.

“It’s tough to find out who’s responsible for the action as the cat doesn’t speak,” a prison public relations official told the local paper, Estado de S.Paulo. All of the prisoners are now suspect.

It’s nice, in a world full of stupid criminal stories, to come across a rather clever criminal story.

This also only goes to show cat-haters of the world that cats are far superior to dogs. First of all, apparently cats CAN be trained. Second of all, the cat made it all the way through the prison gate before being caught. Would your dog be able to do that? I’m going to hazard a guess and say that no, my dog would not be able to do anything of the sort. She can’t stop herself from barking whenever someone knocks on the door or rings a doorbell on the TV.

What will they do next???

What will they do next???

What happened to the cat? Well, officials state the cat has been detained and sent to an animal control center to receive medical care. I have a sneaky suspicion that this cat is now under surveillance for any additional criminal activity regarding prisoners or fugitives…

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About author
Sarah won a ribbon for a crappy poem in 4th grade, and since then has felt that she's a writer. Playing into her delusion is easier than trying to dispel it.
8 total comments on this postSubmit yours
  1. that poor cat! but yes, cats are the smartest. unless it’s my cat, and then it’s so dumb.

    • I once had a cat who behaved like a dog– waiting by the door for us to get home, meowing and hissing at strangers… It was the wildest thing. I trained him to perform tricks, but no one believed me for the longest time!

  2. You put a tracer on it and release it near the prison, then wait for it to go home. Bam.

    • You should totally be an FBI agent in the animal accomplices division! That’s a fantastic plan.

  3. I feel sorry for drug mules. They’d been replaced by cats.

    • Smaller. Lighter. More efficient. Tend to be on the cuter side…

  4. You could never get a dog to do this. Too easily distracted by food, scents or a fly. Why I love dogs. They are never sneaky.

    • My dog TRIES to be sneaky. Ever see a dog try to slow-motion jump on the couch (because she knows she’s not allowed)? She fails.

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