Looking for a one-of-a-kind getaway for you and your significant other? Well have I got the trip for you. Imagine: 501 days of solitude – just you and your spouse – in the cold reaches of outer space. Get ready! Because one lucky couple’s going to Mars!
Seems too good to be true? Well, believe it! A nonprofit foundation along with multimillionaire, Dennis Tito are looking to send one lucky couple on a $1 billion plus romantic interplanetary getaway that can happen as early as 2018.
With a perfect blend of nature and technology, the lucky pair will literally be roughing it – outer space style! The mission, being described as “bare-bones”, will have the lovebirds crammed into a 600 cubic feet (17 cubic meters) capsule with the most minimal of necessities. The outer space love nest is a capsule that will come equipped with only a basic life-support system which will allow for recycled air, water, urine and perspiration. Of course, you will be able to contact your loved ones back on Earth, but why would you want to!?! You’re in space to get away from them and sip recycled sweat with the one you truly love… who starting to smell… and has decided to stop shaving… EVERYWHERE.
But that’s not all! If the constant fear of dying in your sleep at the hands of your spouse, who got tired of being forced to spend hundreds of days alone with you and you steadily deteriorating hygiene isn’t exciting enough, the capsule will have the added danger of having NO PROPULSION SYSTEM!!! That’s right. NO PROPULSION SYSTEM!!! You and your spouse will literally be shot out into space, where you’ll spend 228 days plunging deeper and deeper into the black abyss with nothing more that Mars’ gravitational pull to slingshot you back to Earth. Added to this, you could come as close as 150 miles from Mars’ surface. That’s almost close enough to reach down and scoop a red dirt sample to take home.
(But dont worry. I’m sure their aim is really, really good.)
This mission is made possible by that special date mentioned. In January 2018, Tito and the nonprofit foundation organizing the trip hope to take advantage of a rare planetary alignment that will essentially make it possible to use the red planet’s gravity to keep you from hurtling off into deep space, never to be seen again. This launch window, Tito explains, is crucial to the mission as this type of alignment won’t happen again until 2031.
Got that? If you miss this one, you’ll have to wait another 13 years for another chance. Why wait?
But that’s not all because the excitement doesn’t end there. Your return will be just as exciting and life-threatening as you’ll hit Earth atmosphere at an exhilarating 31,764-mph (51,119-kph). Budget cuts may or may not affect the quality if your seatbelts provided.
So if you’re looking for a long getaway with the one you love, drinking recycled urine in cramped conditions, with a teeny possibility that one or both of you may not make it back alive (Or at all), then you have the adventurous spirit we’re looking for. Space is extra limited so call today!
Andrea
03/01/2013
I WANT TO GO TO MARS. wait. maybe not. maybe just the moon.
Vinny C
03/01/2013
There’s nothing but grey on the moon. I hear it’s so boring, we only visited it once & never went back.
Kath
03/01/2013
I have a problem with the not shaving thing. and the claustrophobia. and motion sickness, and especially drinking my own recycled body fluids. I think I’ll pass.
Vinny C
03/01/2013
Yet no mention of possibly dying slowly and alone in the cold void of space was mentioned as being an issue… Interesting.
Handflapper
03/02/2013
Oh, fuck. If my husband finds out about this I’m going to have to go on that cruise he’s been trying to get me on for the past twenty years to placate him after my refusal to go to Mars with him.
Vinny C
03/02/2013
Still, while you may get stranded at sea for five days and have to watch crap seep down the walls, at least a cruise ship can be towed back in eventually. It’s probably a safer bet.