Good Girls Gone Wild With James Franco In Dreads

There’s something that no one tells you before you have daughters. As they grow up, you’re not just raising and concerning yourself with their lives, but also their friends, in all the dimensions.

My three girls are aged seventeen, nine, and eight. As hard as it is to keep up with their emotional and physical well-being, the difficulty of keeping three young ladies off the pole is compounded by their devotion to their friends from Nickelodeon, Disney, and ABC Family Channel. So when I came across the movie preview for Spring Breakers, an R-Rated crime thriller-comedy starring Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place (Selena Gomez), Gabriella from High School Musical (Vanessa Hudgens), and Hanna (Pretty Little Liars), my daddy spider sense started tingling and I may or may not have had a heart attack at James Franco in dreads coming after the good girls in my kids’ tv set.

Spring Breakers looks like a really bad idea because it’s written and directed by uber-perv Harmony Korine, infamous for creating the 1995 sleaze-fest downer ”Kids” and the even creepier flicks, Gummo and Ken Park. Korine, now 40-years-old, has convinced three of America’s sweethearts aka some my daughters’ heroes, along with his 26-year-old wife, Rachel, to spend 90 minutes in bikinis slithering around with James Franco looking like this.

There’s a phenomena with child stars or young actresses formerly known for wholesomeness trying to convince the world they can also be slutty trouble. Hannah Montana is now I’m really not Hannah Montana Miley Cyrus. Nice Amanda Bynes is now pierced face bad driver Amanda Bynes.

Gabriella, I mean Vanessa Hudgens has already jumped from the kiddie pool to the naughty girl deep end. Nude pictures surfaced a couple of years ago. Plus, she’s died her hair blonde from dark brown for Spring Breakers. She’s trying really hard (she’s the third one from the left) to show you she’s neither in high school nor a musical.

But this will be Selena Gomez and Ashley Benson’s first venture into vice. The plot, and I’m going to give my daughter’s buddies benefit of much doubt and say there’s a plot, to Spring Breakers is that the frisky foursome need cash to hit Florida for Spring Break. Instead of using those bikinis for a car wash or maybe some life guarding, they rob a fast food place. Then, James Franco in dreads, bad grill, and inches of ick, bails them out to turn them into little thong-wearing thugs. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the story’s moral is bikini crime does not pay but it does titillate.

What makes all of this important to discuss and throw snark around is recently, a fifty-year-old woman took the stage at the Golden Globes and showed everyone what a child star could become. She started in the business at age three. Forty-seven years later she has a Yale degree, an Academy Award, and gobs of respect from her peers and herself.

I think my girls, and maybe they can convince Selena, Vanessa, and Ashley to join us, should sit down for a Jodie Foster movie marathon. We’ll skip The Accused and the pinball machine stuff.