Is That A Primate In Your Pants Or Are You… You Know What? Forget I Asked.

Airport security at the Indira Gandhi International Airport, Delhi discovered the unusual bulge in a man’s pants didn’t, in fact, mean that he was happy to see them. The man, and his two travelling companions, turned out to actually be smugglers passing through on their way from Bangkok to Dubai and the mysterious bulge turned out to be an animal known as a loris. A slender loris to be exact.The animal was said to be hidden in a pouch in the man’s underwear while it was also reported that another was found in a nearby trash can.

Lorises are nocturnal, large eyed, thin limbed primates that eat insects and are known to move veeeery sloooowwwllly. They’re commonly found in Southeast Asian forests such as India and Sri Lanka and are currently considered on the “edge of existence”.

Before you ask, no, they weren’t going somewhere to be used as food. Unlike the snakes found bagged up in a train in Vietnam last year, the lorises were not bound for some restaurant’s entrée. Instead the cute little guys have become popular as pets for douchebag animal collectors. As a result of this and man’s destruction of their natural habitat, authorities fear the loris population is starting to severely dwindle.

Adding to the animals inability to fight back is the fact that poachers forcibly remove the loris’ teeth which deliver a toxic bite. If you ask me, it would have been poetic justice if they had forgotten that part.

Customs described the lorises as being in an “OK, but deteriorating” condition and wildlife experts were contacted. The three smugglers, identified as Al Dhaheri Hamad, Al Shamsi Mohammed and Al Shamsi Rashid, all hail from the United Arab Emirate. They were arrested and authorities are looking into how many charges they can slap on them.

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