Great news, ladies! All our problems are solved. Turns out, we’ve been making them up this entire time! Not only have we been doing birth control all wrong, but we’ve been misunderstanding rape too. But what did we expect? We’re just dumb females. Good thing we have a big, strong man to set us straight.
But let’s hear it from the man himself. Rep. Todd Akin, a Republican from Missouri who is running for Senate, said in an interview released Sunday:
First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down. Abortion isn’t the answer even if those defenses don’t work.
The Senate hopeful went on to say that the sun does, in fact, revolve around the earth, magnets work by the miracle of Jesus Christ, and unicorns were left off the Ark because they were vain and pompous assholes and totally deserved to die a watery death. Just kidding. He was only thinking that last part. He just wished he’d said it. Next time!
Funny. He doesn’t look that stupid.
There are so many things wrong with this dude, I have no idea where to start. Screw science! Women are magical and if they get legit raped yo, they can’t get pregnant! It’s god’s birth control plan and the state doesn’t even have to pay for it.
Just exactly which doctors are explaining this to him? Because I’m pretty sure telling a small town rube that women can spontaneously abort rape babies counts as malpractice, or, at the very least, cruelty. Yes! That must be it. Akin’s bully uncle was a doctor and bet his buddies that he could make his dumb nephew believe just about anything. It must’ve been a rich payday indeed for Uncle Ed Akin, I tell you what.
Also, don’t get me started on the “legitimate rape” part. Legitimate? As opposed to illegitimate rapes? As if women are just making the whole thing up. AND! Much like how drowning a woman would prove if she’s a witch (totally works, bee tee dubs), if a woman gets pregnant after a quote endquote rape, it must not have been rape! Because, and try to keep up here, rapists’ babies are all miscarried. All our legal issues are solved. Throw the book out the window. Hallelujah praise baby jeebus.
Sigh. It’s guys like Akin who are the same people saying the elitists liberals with their brainwashing educations are the ruination of this country. Look, I’m not here to argue about abortion or not. But the dude thinks that you can’t get pregnant from a rape! He actually said that. He also said that, “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
What? Was that reference too dated? Oh bite me. It’s funny.
Sarah
08/20/2012
The sicker part of what he said (I’ve watched the interview) is that the rapist deserves to be punished, not the baby. Which sounds great, until you think about how Akin has completely dismissed the woman (victim) in the equation– as carrying her rapist’s baby may, in fact, be punishing her as well- the victim. Not to mention the idea of a child finding out that they are the byproduct of a rape and unwanted on every level. That wouldn’t be punishing the child at all.
This man co-wrote the Personhood bill with Paul Ryan, folks, and just helped pass a constitutional amendment in Missouri about being able to opt out of any classes where your religious beliefs are called into question. This is the direction Republicans are going. Get registered and vote!
Andrea
08/20/2012
You said it, girl. I was attempting to be funny about the whole thing because, well, it’s so stupid! these people are so dang stupid! but the scary part is that guys like this are in power and guys like this are close to the WH. people believe this shit. scary.
Adrienne
08/20/2012
This whole worldview is just mind blowing to me. Absolutely despicable mostly because it seems to say that, if we boiled a woman (any woman) down to her most basic and important parts, we’d end up with a uterus, ovaries, and of course the all-important vagina (because that’s what’s fun for most of the penis-having people). If women’s minds and bodies are victimized, what of it? The women are just there as life-support systems for fetuses in any case.
The conservative rejection of science is getting so entrenched, I don’t know where we go from here. If they’re going to thoroughly reject reason then these stalemates are going to last and last and last.
Andrea
08/20/2012
You forgot magical vaginas! it’s so damned medieval I can’t even believe that someone actually believes that. I meant the jokes about drowning witches and miracle magnets. it’s all the same thing. the backwards thinking both vilifies and marginalizes women and then tells you it’s okay, because Jesus said so.
maybe Akin has the same time machine Romney has. we keep complaining they want us back in the 50s. but it’s really the Middle Ages they’re aiming for.
Sarah
08/20/2012
The thing that really pisses me off (and I say this as a honest to goodness liberal): why aren’t we seeing any decent Republicans? Why does it have to be Personhood and War on Women and not willing to submit tax returns? Why can’t there be a decent, moderate Republican? The GOP used to be the party of minimal government interference. Are they trying to tell us that this has changed? That there are no moderate Republicans left? It’s now about significant government interference in the most private aspects of your life?
Andrea
08/20/2012
I’ve thought the very same thing. at least bring someone worthy to the table! the extremists are taking over.
Mylittlebecky
08/20/2012
I don’t even know where to go from here. How can he believe this? How can ANYONE believe it? But they do! THEY DO!!! I feel so hopeless to go against such ignorance.
Andrea
08/20/2012
oh honey, I know. I know. it’s so ridiculous, but actual people believe it. people in power believe it!
Sarah
08/20/2012
So, word on the street is that Crossroads (that nasty Superpac for the Repubs) just pulled Akin commercials they were going to start running on Wednesday. When asked why, they said “We think the act speaks for itself.”
Also in the rumor mill is that prominent Senate Republicans have been calling Akin today and demanding that he step out of the race. Which he is refusing to do. Living in MO, it’s actually refreshing to see staunch Republicans state that he’s crossed the line. It almost restores my faith in humanity.
Andrea
08/20/2012
I just read that too. And Ryan is doing quite the dance right now to distance himself.
anyone else picturing Zoolander? Dance, Monkey, DANCE!
Lex
08/20/2012
There are times when I’ve thought that we need ignorant people like this to shock us back into reality. But there’s been so more and more ignorance and stupidity that it’s starting to scare me that we are regressing.
Also, I’m pretty positive I would KNOW if I had a magical vagina.
ALSO, it’s quote ENDquote, not quote UNquote?? Blew my mind. Makes way more sense too.
Andrea
08/21/2012
I know right? I mean, I do take some joy in the idiocy of some leaders because it’s entertaining to a point and great comedic fodder. but they’re getting elected in droves now. super scary.
and so glad to have blown your mind! my work here is done.