Movie Review: TWILIGHT!!! OMG!!!

OMG TWILIIIIIIGHT!

I saw Twilight!  I know!  The Sprocket Bosses made me do it.  I was dead set against it at first,  I mean really?  I already have the flu and am hopped up on cold medicine…  Do I really have to see TWILIGHT on top of it???  And they were all, “You HAVE to” and I was like, “AwWwww”.  But yes, Readers, I did it for you.  To what end? Let me explain:

I thought I hated this series until tonight.  It all just came together for me all of the sudden.  I felt like I was right there with them, feeling their pain, sharing in their triumphs.   It was a lot more mature than I’d expected, too, you guys.  The characters, that is.  They were old.

And I’m totally on Team Newman.  How could I not be, amiright?  I mean Gene Hackman is a great actor and everything, but he kind of reminded me of my Dad in this movie.  But Susan Sarandon really just blew me away.  Her withdrawn sullenness, her chain smoking and skinny dipping while she was well into her 50s?? I didn’t know what was going to happen!  Was she going to fall in love with Paul Newman or stay with Gene Hackman???  And OMG, their daughter was gorgeous.  I didn’t even know Reese Witherspoon was in this movie!

I must say, it was pretty different from the trailers I’ve seen, but I’ve gotten used to Hollywood putting in unused clips from films to spice up their trailers.  You know?  You go in with a certain set of expectations about a film and then WHAMMO!  It’s just totally different. Blew my mind.   They didn’t even show Susan Sarandon pregnant, so I’m thinking this was supposed to be like WAY further in the future.

Go Paul!!

All I know is that I’m glad they finally slept together and that she made a decision about who to be in love with (until the next film comes out…. dun dun duuuuun….).

And the part where the old vampires solve the murder case?  Bril.  I never thought Newman would have shot James Garner.  I just didn’t see it coming.  I hope I’m not totally ruining this movie for you, but it was just such a big twist that I can’t keep it in.  And the part where they dug up Susan Sarandon’s ex husband at the Ranch?  I didn’t even know she was married before.  And then she was all “I loved my Husband and I’d never shoot him!”  I totally teared up.

And filming it in 1998…?  I mean, how did they have the foresight to pull THAT off 13 years ago?  OoOoh… spooky number 13, everyone.  I get it.   Hollywood has more tricks up its sleeve than I’d ever imagined!   This was way better and had a totally different tone from the last Twilight movie that I saw (that one from 1983, psh.. puh-lease).  I mean, when Dan Akroyd turned into a green ghoul to scare that guy in the car and the kid turned his house into a cartoon nightmare, I thought I’d had enough Twilight for good.  But nope.  This has just turned the Twilight Franchise on its nose for me.

Scene from that OTHER Twilight movie. Ugh. So dramatic.

It had everything a Twilight movie is supposed to have:  A love Triangle, Sparkles, depressed people, mystery, blood, Nazis…  wait that was the other one.   Sure there was a distinct lack of werewolves, but I just chalk that up to good old Hollywood keeping me on my toes.   I totally get it now.

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