Behold! The magic beans!
Hey, sweetie! How you doing today? Not so good? A little down in the dumps again, huh? Well, don’t just stand there, come. Come on in and have a seat. I’ll brew us a nice cup of joe and you can tell me all about it.
What’s that? You don’t drink coffee?
Huh…
Oh, it’s nothing! Really! It’s just… That explains so much. No wonder you’re depressed so often. What do I mean? Well, haven’t you heard? They’re now saying that coffee helps in preventing depression too. No, really! It’s true!
I know what you’re going to say: “Coffee bad! Big, smart, sciencey man say so.” But, let’s face it, those guys did that study like a million years ago. I’m pretty sure they consulted planetary alignments and used an abacus to come up with their results. Scientists today are way smarter. Did Galileo invent YouTube? I think not! Can we fly because of DaVinci. Okay, maybe, but let’s stay on topic.
Listen, sunshine, forget all that crap those anti-coffee Nazis have been telling you about coffee being “bad for you”. Science today is coming up with more and more evidence of the health benefits of coffee. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving!
This study was done by researchers from the Harvard Medical School (Hear that? Harvard! Smart!). They studied 50,000 women for ten years to come up with these results. 50,000 women for ten years! You can’t argue that kind of dedication. And just what do you think that study found? Most of the women they studied who suffered from depression. Not. Coffee. Drinkers. Either that or they drank decaf. UGH!
The study also shows that the more you drink, the smaller your chances of getting depressed. Keep it within reason, of course. You don’t want to get those jitters. They say about two mugs a day is alright… For a lightweight wuss.
Just think about it:
- You’ll look good because it makes you less likely to be overweight
- You’ll be healthier as you’re less likely to have high blood pressure or diabetes
- You’ll feel good too since you’re fighting depression with every rich, smooth, savory sip.
All from drinking coffee! Outstanding!
No-NO! I didn’t say you were overweight! Sheesh! Stop crying! Okay, princess, if you don’t want to believe me, let me read what one scientific expert said about the findings:
This fits nicely with a lot of the previous work and what we know about caffeine and the brain. It blocks adenosine, which produces a similar effect to increasing dopamine production. And it’s becoming increasingly clear that the dopamine-rich areas of the brain are much more important in depression that previously thought
See? And he’s a scientist. An expert. I don’t even know what “adenosine” is. But he does. How can you disagree with that?
What’s that? You will have a cup of coffee with me? Excellent! I’ll go make us some.
Simple Dude
09/27/2011
Makes complete sense to me. I know I am a hell of a lot less crabby when I have had my coffee.
Vinny C
09/27/2011
Don’t you just love the way that science proves what most of us already knew?
Ninja Mom
09/27/2011
I have to be the healthiest damn mom on the planet. Cheers! I’m off to Starbucks to celebrate.
Vinny C
09/27/2011
I’ve been celebrating all morning, myself.
Jules
09/27/2011
I’ll meet you in line at Starbucks! Hells yeah!
Vinny C
09/28/2011
Sweet! If you want to give me your order in advance, I’d love to know what it feels like to be one of those guys who holds back the entire line to order for like all thirty people from his office.
hisqueen
09/27/2011
I used to be depressed. even on meds for it. Then I got divorced and started drinking coffee because of the long hours I started working. I thought it was getting rid of the leach like ex but now your telling me I could have stayed married but just started drinking coffee? Nay…The coffee was just the thing that kept me from getting more depressed after leaving the leach and being single again.
I love love love my first cup of morning coffee. After the 4th cup, then people are allowed to speak to me.
Vinny C
09/27/2011
Same here. Be prepared to suffer some blood loss if you need anything from me before I have my morning caffeine fix.
The Sweetest
09/27/2011
Oh, good, so my extra cup this morning will make me happy all day long! Now, excuse me while I go pee for the seventh time this morning…
Vinny C
09/27/2011
A small price to pay to make the surrounding people & environment more tolerable.
ThePeachy1
09/27/2011
I have never enjoyed coffee. Cumulatively I haven’t had a full cup in all my decades. I am thinking I should try some.
Vinny C
09/27/2011
Yessss. Excellent! Go ahead. Try it. You’ll like it.
Bwahahaha!!!
Mrs C
09/27/2011
Quite an accomplishment hon, entertaining, humorous and yet intellectually stimulating.
smooches!
Vinny C
09/28/2011
Thanks, babe. Glad you liked.
Does that mean we get that new coffee machine we talked about?
My outfit stinks
09/27/2011
I only pay attention to the research that proves it’s good for me.
Vinny C
09/28/2011
It’s obvious anything else is just propaganda anyway.
Kelly
09/27/2011
This just made my day. I can totally justify all the money spent on lattes now…
Vinny C
09/28/2011
Exactly! Not a cent was wasted. I don’t see why it can’t be written off as a medical expense.
Nubian
09/28/2011
I will now let the husband know that I have justification for a cup of Kopi Luwak coffee.
Vinny C
09/28/2011
Just remind him of the golden rule of marriage: What makes you happy ultimately makes him happy.
Chelle
10/03/2011
I knew I needed a Keurig. I mean- How can you be depressed when you can’t stop climbing things?