Canada Fails To Do the US a Solid and Take Randy Quaid

I’m a huge fan of Canada. They are progressive where I think they should be, restrictive where it counts, and liberal as hell. They are the toque of the United States, and some of my northern friends would say that’s fitting, because that’s where the brains are held. I had super mega amounts of props to hand to Canada until I checked today’s news.

Unfortunately, it appears that Canada has made a decision that puts them a step behind in the brains department compared to the United States. According to the Examiner, they have denied permanent residency to Randy Quaid, a US golden boy, jewel, hero, celeb,  and all around good guy and his former wife, Evi. You’ll recall the couple had been using Canada as their refuge from some crazy mafia-esque murder plot, or “star whackers” as they called them,  since back in 2010.

Unfortunately, it will soon be time for them to go home. Where home will be exactly is still up for grabs. It’s not likely they will be allowed to move into the old guest house of the home they sold and subsequently became squatters in. Home, I suppose, will be wherever the “star whackers” are not.

But wait! Isn’t Canada the home to all who flee the US? Aren’t they the haven for the persecuted and downtrodden of the United States of America? To answer your questions; Yes and yes, respectively. Unfortunately, Quaid and his ex wife withdrew their refugee status in the summer of 2012. In Canada you’re either fleeing or not fleeing.  No take backs. No oopsie’s. Canada made their position clear with a, “Nanny nanny boo boo. We don’t want you.” response.

He’s sexy and the star whackers know it.

Quaid claims this persecution and conspiracy has been going on for over 20 years now. It is not at all surprising to me that they have been stealing his money and wishing to profit from him since this time. You’ll recall how comely he looked in that muscle shirt in Vegas Vacation. That lust level only rises when you see him sporting a shorty robe in Christmas Vacation. It’s obvious that they are going to want his riches. It’s even easier to profit if he’s dead. The poor guy is just looking for a safe house!WHAT UP CANADA!? You gave us Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Alanis Morrissette, Ryan Reynolds, Justin Bieber, and Celine Dion… okay, you can keep her, but dudes, seriously…. we were trying to give you something back and you just throw it in our faces? I don’t get it! Okay, maybe I do. A little. Alright. I get it. The guy is batshit crazy, but seriously… for Bieber and Dion, you sort of owe us one don’t you?

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