Forgive me if my analogy and it’s accompanying metaphors wander from their well-intentioned literary path, but I’ve never been to Las Vegas, I don’t usually gamble, but with the government shutdown in it’s fourth day, and the 49 members of the right wing of the Republican Party inside the House of Representatives dealing it, maybe I should reconsider my opposition to endangering the country by playing with House money.
We’re two weeks away from defaulting on our debt. This will be the first time in our nation’s history that this will happen. But since I can’t avoid the anti-government attitude exploited on social media, the television, radio, and in line to get my car tested for emissions this morning, maybe I should tell these yammering yahoos to pour me a cup of poison, I mean tea, and join their party.
Maybe the extreme right wing of the GOP’s high stakes gamble of our country’s cash is a game worth playing. I mean, I have a whole five bucks in my pocket right now, but since they’re willing to bet 17 trillion or more of our country’s wad then who am I to think I’m better than them?
Deal me in, Ted Cruz. Wait, this isn’t even your casino. Whatever. If they want you here, who am I to question actual constitutional governmental procedure. Hit me again, John Boehner. What the hell, I’ll take another, Eric Cantnor, you piece-mealing grandstander, you . Where’s Rush Limbaugh. Y’all listen to every word he says before you shuffle this stacked deck. Forget it, let’s just play.
Now, before I show my cards, and put my fiver on the line, I need to ask something about our game. Does this mean, if I lose, I have to give up affordable health care that I might not be able to have if I hadn’t sat down at the table? Does this mean that if you force my, and the President’s hand on raising the debt ceiling, we will become weaker internationally because you got your lower government principles despite the fact you all are the minority? Does this mean your morality becomes mine, and getting real, expansive, necessary, meaningful women’s rights and choice for my teenaged daughter’s body is not going to happen? Once I flip these cards, will my liberal, but cherished views on equal rights for gays, minorities, women, and immigrants who want amnesty to become authentic Americans is a no way, Jose’?
Forget it. None of you, Tea Party or moderate Republicans ever have direct answers to direct questions like these. So, you know what? I think I’m out.
Yeah, I’m going to fold.
But before I fold, despite playing with House money, I want all of you, each and every one of you, who campaigned in 2008, 2010, and 2012 to “change Washington even if it means shutting the government down” to know that your ignorance as to how our country actually works, your hatred of government, is what’s wrong with the shutdown. Okay, I’m going to slide my cards across the table, but I want all of you to kiss my ass, go to hell, and have unprotected sexual intercourse with yourselves, as a result of your irresponsible anarchy and moronic anti-American attitudes.
I changed my mind. I’m going to check.
So House money dealing Republicans, whatdya got?
Lance Burson is a writer living outside Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and 3 daughters. He’s the published author of 2 books, The Ballad of Helene Troy and Soul To Body, found digitally on amazon.com for your kindle or in paperback from Lulu.com. He’s a former Monopoly Champion who sucks at poker.