The other day, I was sitting at home browsing the news as my wife was getting ready to go out, when I stumbled upon an interesting article.
“Babe,” I called out, “You know how you’re always interested in all that health stuff. Right? Well, what if I told you there was a sunstance that contained a whole heap of healthy minerals and vitamins like proteins and fructose (The good, natural kind) and all a whole lot more?”
“Really?” she paused from doing her makeup to listen. This sort of thing always got her attention, “What is it? What is it used for?”
“Well, it’s all naturally, not that artificially manufactured crap and its main use is for pregnancy.”
“Hmm…” now she was interested. “So it’s something to help with hormones or something?”
“No. It’s actually used for getting you pregnant.”
Her eyes narrowed, “What exactly are we talking about here?”
“Um… Seminal fluid… You know? Sperm.”
That’s when she threatened to stab me in the eye with her makeup pencil.
Now, my wife’s reaction was a typical response. There’s a lot of controversy when it comes to discussing the practice of swallowing sperm. The main argument against it is that it’s notoriously the stuff of many a porno flick and no honest, decent, responsible individual would ever ‘fess-up to sampling the “baby formula” (I swear I found that phrase on the internet). Truth is male ejaculation is a veritable cocktail of healthy nutrients that many shell out hard earned cash to get over the drugstore counter.
The phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” seems appropriate here. At the same time highly inappropriate as well.
As it turns out, there are actually one or two creatures in the animal kingdom that aren’t so prudish when it comes to making use of all the benefits the “juice” (Blame the internet, not me) provides.
This isn’t the first time I read something like this. About two years ago, I came across another article that said that trace amounts of calcium, and other ingredients in semen could actually be good for healthier teeth. I was even inspired to write a short poem about that discovery.
Recently, a study by researchers at Australia’s Monash University’s School of Biological Sciences was published in the journal Biology Letters, found that the act sperm consumption is something practiced several species – inclusive of humans, despite the fact that it has nothing to do with the reproductive process. Some of the animals found by the study to engage in the practice were carrion flies, a species of leech and the southern bottletail squid, to name a few. Squid in particular seem to be very keen on the practice. That probably explains why one was able to shoot its seed into a Korean woman’s mouth about a year ago, even though it was already dead and on her dinner plate. Unlike with humans, however, consumption of sperm isn’t to fulfill some pervy fetish, but for in order to gain access to the nutritional benefits locked within the “miracle tonic” (Okay, that one’s mine).
The study’s lead author, Benjamin Wegener was quick to highlight, however that it was in the male’s best interest to ensure the female didn’t guzzle all the good stuff before he had a chance to ensure the species got perpetuated.
If males have their sperm consumed, rather than used for egg fertilization, they will lose that reproductive opportunity. Therefore, it is in the male’s best interests to try to ensure at least some of his sperm reaches the female’s eggs
You win some, you lose some, I guess.
Still, being the diligent sort of man that I am, I set out to do my own research on the matter. It didn’t take me very long to find a whole lot of websites – legitimate, non-porny websites, mind you – that listed all the other benefits to seminal fluid besides for baby makin’. Here’s just some of what I found:
Inside your average daily dose (If you’re lucky) of seminal fluid you can find fructose, ascorbic acid, zinc, cholesterol, protein, calcium , citric acid, DNA, Magnesium, vitamin B12, phosphorus, sodium, potassium and more.
I’m taking this information back to my wife. Not for the sake of any ulterior motives, though. It’s purely for the sake of her personal edification. Besides, I believe she at least owes me an apology for threatening me with bodily harm when all I had was her good health in mind.