Pervy and the Beast, Bestiality In News Again

Bestiality is one of the oldest forms of sexual intercourse, it has been around since the beginning of time. I’m pretty sure Adam gave up a rib when he found out that he could have sex with a person and wouldn’t have to bone sheep any more. Doggy style was, in fact, the first position, not missionary. Fact.

Somewhere along the way, for some odd reason, bestiality was deemed a crime and those who preferred sex with animals were considered freaks. I can’t imagine why. Bahh.

I'm a sexy beast

I don’t know, maybe it’s all this werewolf business that has seen a rise in bestiality cases. Full moon maybe? It’s, like, almost having sex with a human if you fantasize about Taylor Lautner (or Alcide.. mmmmm) while entering the bear cave. Or wolf den.

A Tampa Bayer (Bayan, Bayian?) was just arrested for allegedly doggy styling his girlfriend’s dog. But when there’s photographic evidence, can we drop the “allegedly” part? Eric Antunes had photos (plural) of him and the dog. I’ll give you a second to finish gagging and go check on your dogs to make sure they are okay.

Don't worry Ma, I took care of that asshole.

So this Antunes character is quite the chump. Authorities found the photos because they had received a tip that the man had child pornography. He was charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography as well as animal cruelty. I’m really curious to see what his girlfriend’s reaction was. “I just thought he really liked doggy style.. but I guess the howling was a little weird.” Am I the only one that wants to know what is up with the water in Florida? I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that the most bizarre, messed up, shit happens there… Right??

I’m pretty sure he will get along just swimmingly with the man who was arrested earlier this week for breaking into a barn… and performing oral sex on a horse. There was no Jackass camera crew anywhere to be seen. There’s a special place in hell for these men. Where the only animals are pissed off rhinos.

Fun fact: I learned how to spell bestiality because of this article. “Cause knowledge is power!” I always thought it was spelled beastiality and that bestiality was a special bond between best friends. Awkward….

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