Man Likely to Lose Girlfriend and Man Card Due to Child Neglect

James R. Irvine, 41 of Palm Coast, FL

It takes two people to make a baby. It takes a village to raise a child. It takes one pitbull to babysit that child so a guy can get a little time to himself at the bar. James R. Irvine of Palm Coast, FL  can attest to that.

According to reports, Mr. Irvine’s girlfriend asked him to watch the 10 month old baby while she went to work. There is no report yet of exactly how long Irvine was gone, though a bar employee verified that he was served 5 Corona’s and 1 Bud Light during his time in their establishment. The girlfriend made multiple attempts to reach Irvine, I assume to check on the wellbeing of her bundle of joy, only to finally be answered with, “I’m watching the game.” For whatever reason, the child’s mother came back to the home to find the baby crying in a room with the door shut and their pit bull guarding the door.  Some time later, the girlfriend caught Mr. Irvine attempting to re-enter the residence, drunk, and urinating on himself.

As a parent and a HUMAN, I am shocked and horrified by Mr. Irvine’s actions. If I were a pit bull, I’d probably be a little insulted that everyone thinks this is such a big deal. People have been leaving their children to be babysat by inanimate objects for years. Whether it’s the Xbox, television, or an oft played VHS tape (remember VHS?) parents have been ignoring children for decades, allowing them instead to be raised by technology. It’s almost common place, but in most of those cases the parents or guardians stay in the house. Mr. Irvine takes this to a whole different level of parental neglect. He makes June and Sugar Bear look like candidates for parent of the year. Even the South Dakota woman who got drunk and tried to breast feed someone elses baby is a better role model for parenting than Mr. Irvine.

Now that I’ve properly expressed my disgust with Irvine’s idea of baby sitting, I must address one final issue. The record will forever state that he had a total of 6 beers during his absence from the home. If he has a decent lawyer, he will avoid admitting to drinking before leaving the house or anywhere else for that matter. He will forever be known as the guy who got so wasted on 6 beers that he could not get in his house without pissing himself. My guess is that as soon as he’s released from jail he’s going to lose his girlfriend and his man card.

Image Source