I’m going to take a brief informal poll here. What would you likely do when approached by the above angry bear? Oh sorry, let me clarify… after violently shitting your pants and crying like a baby inside your mind, what would you likely do when approached by the angry bear? If you said “well I’d probably shit my pants just a little bit more, and then run away like a fuckin track star” then you’re in the 99.824% majority.
Now imagine that angry bear has your little dog in it’s mouth. Now what would you do? If you repeated your same answer to the previous question, then you’re still in the 99.823% majority. Unless you’re 22-year-old Brooke Collins from Alaska. If you’re Brooke, then you punch the bear in the face, and get your dog back. I’ll repeat that – she punched the bear in the face.
Brooke has now earned a small piece of my heart that will forever be hers. I’m also assuming that Brooke may have testicles of steel, but that can’t be confirmed. Just out of curiosity, has anyone else been told that bears can sometimes be dangerous? I’m not the only one that has heard rumors about that, right? That bears are usually – ummm – big, and they have – ummm – claws and stuff, and they – ummm – can eat you and stuff?? Is anyone else privy to this hush-hush insider information?? As evidenced by the photo below, they have been documented to be skilled in things like martial arts too.
Anyhow, Brooke is now my new hero. Her dog, named Fudge (which could be the topic of an entirely different article), turned out just fine as well. I certainly hope that Brooke places “Bear Punching” on her resume; it would probably fit nicely in between “Excel sheet proficiency” and “crime fighting.”
Dangerboy
09/02/2011
I would normally say “That takes balls”, but since it was a chick…I’ll just say HOLY CRAP!
Me, I’m in the majority.
Dr. Cynicism
09/02/2011
You can add me to that majority as well.
Vinny C
09/02/2011
You know that bear’s friends are totally going to make fun of him for a long time to come.
“Well Smokey may have sold out & works for the humans, but Carl here got his ass kicked by a girl! A. HUMAN. GIRL!!!”
Dr. Cynicism
09/02/2011
Bwahahaha!
Ninja Mom
09/02/2011
I punched a bear just now, bitch, please. I punched a fucking shark AND Osama bin Laden AND yo’ mamma. Brooke ain’t shit.
Dr. Cynicism
09/02/2011
*bowing to the mighty Ninja Mom* I should have figured as much.
Dr Becca
09/02/2011
That painting (image #2) is amazing–just the sort of artwork I’m thinking about for the new lab. Inspirational, you know? Do you have the source info?
Dr. Cynicism
09/02/2011
You’d be the most awesome PI evah! Here’s where I found it: http://dailygumboot.ca/2011/06/bruins-vs-canucks-game-5/
Meg
09/02/2011
Can a bear be in shock? Cause I’m sure something like, “this bitch just hit me” had to have gone through it’s mind.
Dr. Cynicism
09/02/2011
Bahaha! You cracked my shit up with that one, cuz I can TOTALLY see the bear doing that. “W..T..F… did she… did she just…. did that bitch just strike me? ME?!”
Meg
09/04/2011
Can you imagine what she’d be like to live with if she goes around punching bears? I’m gonna play the woman card here…can you imagine her with PMS? Possible explanation.
Dr. Cynicism
09/04/2011
Those thoughts scare me. I’d rather deal with the bear.
hisqueen
09/04/2011
With a dog named Fudge..I think she was already past the shitting in her pants stage and just wanted her “Shit” back. Does make me wonder about her PMS phase at that time, like Meg said. That would be quite the interview question, one that I would ask. ” where you PMSing at the time of the attack?”
I wonder if the Wrestling Federation has contacted her yet with job offers. We should nominate her for Survivor. She would definitely win.
Damn young un’s think they’re invincible.
Now.. I wonder if she could make it thorough your class?
Dr. Cynicism
09/04/2011
“Now.. I wonder if she could make it thorough your class?” Now THAT’S a question I’d be eager to find the answer to… hmmmm