Recently 2 men got into serious trouble for helping out superstar Rihanna during her trip to Thailand. Their crime?
Allegedly asking for money so that she could Instagram herself with a loris, an endangered primate native to Southeast Asia.
The men were rounded up, interrogated, and, according to CNN, “presented to the media” for this horrendous crime.
Additionally, it seems that Rihanna was engaged in a Thai spectator sport second only to boxing: the sex show.
“Engaged in” – observing, watching – I wasn’t implying that Rihanna was participating. But she had, apparently, several “X-Rated” experiences whilst carousing in the Kingdom of Siam.
But wait, there’s more: Thai officials, having gotten their panties in a bunch about the monkey picture, are now out and about, searching for the purveyors of said “sex shows,” which are apparently “illegal” in Thailand.
Wait. What? Sex shows illegal in Thailand?
The last time I was in Bangkok, you couldn’t walk through the FAMILY market without hearing about various shows, especially the ones in which the female genitalia is promised to be utilized in various activities it NEVER was meant to be used for (drink champagne, smoke cigarette, shoot ping-pong ball).
Forget the seedy areas. This is right out in the open. The area of town we’re talking about looks a hundred times more tame than Times Square. There’s a McDonald’s RIGHT THERE.
We’re not talking an area of the city where you have to go behind some wall, down a dark alley, or into some basement to see this menu of potential viewable sex acts. We’re talking it’s RIGHT THERE. Like, you can buy a Buddha statue, get some fake Nikes, and then see some ping pong balls get shot.
And let’s forget about the plethora of prostitutes to be had at such venues, and everywhere around the country of Thailand.
Phuket? Did you think that was a misnomer?
So where does the surprise come in? If Thailand wasn’t synonymous with sex, specifically sex you paid for, prior to Hangover 2, then certainly this information has been long in the public mind, both inside and outside of Thailand.
So why in the hell is RIHANNA of all people, or rather, an uproar over her visit to Thailand, suddenly surrounded by such controversy regarding little monkeys and genital champagne drinking? Huh?
Incidentally, here’s what Rihanna tweeted that got the Thai officials all freaked out about the sex:
“Either I was phuck wasted lastnight, or I saw a Thai woman pull a live bird,2 turtles,razors,shoot darts and ping pong, all out of her pu$$y.”
At any rate, it’s good that the Thais have arrested the two men who provided poor, unsuspecting Rihanna with an endangered species to fondle. I just hope, to protect any future celebrities from Thais trying to make a buck, that the woman Rihanna witnessed pulling said objects out of her cornucopia vagina has also been arrested.
After all, if the rich and famous can’t retain their innocence, then who can?
@RIHANNA: how ’bout forkin’ over some bail money?
Images courtesy of dreamstime.com