I can’t stop giggling over this story because I have the maturity of a twelve-year-old boy. STOP IT! I tell myself sternly. THINK OF THE VICTIM.
She looks happy enough, doesn’t she? That’s because she’s brave. She’s a SURVIVOR. She just wants to put all this behind her and get on with her life, but her rapist says he won’t let that happen.
That’s right. Her rapist. An eyewitness report says that Carlos Romero, a 31-year-old farm worker from Ocala, Florida, with his shirt off and his pants down, was pressed up against 21-month-old miniature Doodle’s backside. Twenty-one months! And miniature! Oh! The humanity!
Romero did at least have the grace to step back and pull his pants up when he noticed the witness, but he showed no remorse or shame when the detectives showed up. He admitted to fondling the donkey, masturbating on her–you know, because her fur feels so good on his junk–but not having intercourse with her because he felt she was too young, which is, after all, in accordance with the American Mule and Donkey Association, who implore people to not breed their jennets (did you know female donkeys are called jennets? I did, because I am full of useless trivia like that. I am also full of ramen and Oreos) until they are at least 24 months old.
However, Romero said his penis may have accidentally (emphasis mine, of course) come in contact with Doodle’s–er, doodle, and some of his semen may have “splattered inside the donkey by accident.” I am not even making this up. Here, read the police report for yourself.
Doodle has been removed to Animal Services and Romero is in protective custody in the Marion County jail. He is charged with animal cruelty, despite Doodle being in apparent good health and showing no physical signs of abuse. (Of course, there are some scars that are not visible.) Florida is just so backward in its attitudes toward zoophilia. Hey, he said it, not me!
Romero says he has never been a “people person” (whoa–like literally, right?), preferring the company of animals because people “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and that animals’ feelings are “100 percent honest.” Huh. I can’t really argue with that.