The cute, cuddly, fuzzy icon of Australia – the beloved koala bear – could be completely extinct in a mere 30 years. In fact, their population has already dropped to a mere 20% of what it once was. Yet the Australian government is hesitant to add the marsupial mascot to the endangered species list?
“But why?” you might ask. “Koalas are adoreaballs! We must save those little buggers, mate!”
I think the powers that be in Australia are a bit uncomfortable discussing the cause for the rapid decline in the koala population.
“But what’s killing them?” you ask. “No one would kill a koala so it can’t be poachers. Is it global warming? Is new construction and urban sprawl destroying their habitat?”
Yes and yes. Surely all those things have had a negative impact on the world’s cutest bears. But they have another problem – a disease that’s running rampant in all the trendy koala bars and clubs…
CHLAMYDIA.
Who knew koalas were such sluts?
Still, the question remains: how did chlamydia enter the koala population in the first place? Government officials have requested recent travel itineraries for Lohan, Sheen, and Weiner.
Jay
06/16/2011
This would have never happened if Steve Irwin were still alive.
AndyGirl
06/16/2011
Word
Dr. Cynicism
06/17/2011
Damn right!
Vinny C
06/16/2011
While the story is sad, those pictures (especially the first one with Weiner in the corner looking on) totally crack me up.
Mike
06/16/2011
Is that Anthony Weiner in the background? Bwahahaha
AndyGirl
06/16/2011
Those slutty koalas need to learn about safe sex. Hah! Actually I did a project in college about te declining koala pop and did you know it’s damn near impossible to artificially inseminate a koala? So there’s not much we can do to boost their numbers. Sad.
Abby
06/16/2011
That kind of gives new meaning to “Down Under,” eh? I suppose it’s just another case of social media influencing the behavior of innocent mammals. Now koalas are peer pressured into promiscuity in order to have something to Tweet about in the AM. Sigh…
As a side note, I was in the honor’s literature program in college–Sigma Tau Delta. I’ll give you a minute to create an acronym and realize why we never had T-shirts made up.
SisterMerryHellish
06/16/2011
When females have two lateral vaginas and males have bifurcated (forked) penises vnereal disease is going to spread father than LiLo’s thighs!
ADORABALLS!
Tom G.
06/16/2011
Sigh… if only VD had the same effect on Frat Boys and Sorority girls, our country wouldn’t be in such a mess.
subWOW
06/16/2011
The first picture is so awesome that I have no words for it.
Whenever I think of koala now, I think of that evil koala holding onto the airplane in that Simpson’s episode. You know what I am talking about.
Kelly
06/17/2011
Sorry about the koala situation of course, but the images are awesome.
Greatest post ever!
Chelle
06/20/2011
Baha!