When I first watched It I think I was (cough) 16. Until that day I’d never questioned the life choice of a clown. Outside of the circus, I can’t think of an event where a clown is a welcome addition to the party. Even at a child’s birthday party you can guarantee at least a few kids are going to bawl their eyes out the moment that creepy bastard tries to make them a balloon animal.
The fear of clowns is not even directly linked to Stephen King’s scary ass book/movie. My youngest sister was petrified by clowns long before she had ever been exposed to Pennywise. There is just something disturbing about someone who purposely paints their face and changes their hair and tries to chum up to kids. Regardless, coulrophobia (fear of clowns) is a real thing.
Assuming all clowns have a purpose, you know… the circus, what is the goal of a clown who isn’t working and just paints its face and dons its giant shoes and colorful clothes and crazy hair? Fear. Plain and simple. If you’re not piling into a car or out of a car with 12 of your clown friends you have no reason to be out and about. John Wayne Gacy dressed up like a clown. Coincidence?
In Northampton England there is a clown roaming the streets. You know the worst part? There’s no circus in town. That’s right. The freaky dude is just putting on his gear and roaming around being scary. According to one report, the clown stopped at someone’s house offering to paint their window sills. He didn’t even have any tools of the painting trade. Was he offering to wipe his face on things? Were the supplies stored in the toe of a floppy shoe? God only knows. Obviously he wasn’t let in the house to find out.
To be fair, the Northampton clown has created his own Facebook page. You can check him out if you like. He deserves a chance to tell the his story, not that he really does. According to him he is just wants to be spotted. He’s asked that people with phobias and fears not comment on his page, but isn’t the fact that just as many people find you terrifying as adorable reason enough to not go around posing for pictures like the one above?
For the record, I don’t think what the dude is doing is criminal. I think it’s a little off putting, but I’ve seen people dressed in scarier attire out mixing with the people of the world at Walmart. Besides, the US has had ICP Juggalos for a long time. It’s not like being freaky, distasteful, and unappealing is a new thing. Plus, he’s just one clown. I think I’d rather have a single clown than a concert full of idiots painted up spraying each other with Faygo, unless of course that single clown showed up silently on my doorstep. Then I’d cry. I’d run around my house locking the doors and windows and I’d likely piss myself. Then I would cry some more.
For anyone reading this at night, I’m sorry. Clowns aren’t coming to your house. Lock the doors though, okay? Just in case, ya know? There might be Juggalos out there. Or Pat Robertson. Sorry again. That’s worse than a solitary clown and a room full of Juggalos.