Things To Say On Facebook When You’re Dead.

One thing in life holds true. We will all die one day. It’s the one constant in life.

That and taxes. Death and taxes, right? That’s the saying? So I guess that’s actually two things that will always be true. Oh and ideas for reality television are only going to get worse. There’s that too, I guess.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Death. It’s coming for you. You can’t run, you can’t hide. there’s no escape. Death’s going to get ya.

Hi. Now a bad time?

Truth is, most of us don’t really plan properly for that outcome, Sure we may prepare a will, or get extra life insurance. But how many of us do what’s really important?

Have you ever considered what you’d really like all your friends and family to know to be your final words? What final nuggets of wisdom you can impart before you “shrug off this mortal coil”, as it were? No? And you say you care!

Fear not! To that end, a very new, very morbid app is now available on Facebook that allows users to leave a final message to the ones they leave behind. It’s called “If I Die” from Willook.

The basic gist of this app is that, in the event of your untimely demise, you can leave prerecorded status update that is published once three trustees – trusted friends that you nominate – confirm that you have indeed croaked.

The video Willook provides says you’ll be able to say anything. From saying a special goodbye to revealing a deep, dark secret, to a final “F-you!” to someone you could never say it to in life.

While I’ll agree, while this app isn’t exactly on the positive side, it can be useful. In fact, I can think of a few choice “last words” you can leave to loved ones:

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CONFESSIONS:

- Rory, you were my best friend, so you should know this. That Saturday in March when you asked me drop your parents’ car back to their house… Yeah, we kinda had a threesome.

- Everything the cops are about to tell you about me is absolutely true.

- To all my 1,683 Facebook friends: WHO THE HELL ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE!!!

- Just so you know, honey, you’re not far behind. I’ve been slipping arsenic in your tea every morning for a while now.

- It was highly contagious. Just thought you all should know that.

SETTLING SCORES:

- To all my coworkers. As you all know I was always the first one in every morning. I did this so I could hawk a loogie in the coffee machine before anyone else saw.

- I’m glad you all thought I was such a nice guy. That way you’ll be doubly surprised when I say you can all shove a red hot poker up your asses. In fact, you can all take turns with the same poker. Marge, your ass doesn’t look fat in those jeans. You ass looks fat in EVERY pair of jeans you have ever worn. Tom, you’re a dick! And don’t get me started on…

- Don, I know you were sleeping with my sister. But I’m not not mad. The  truth is, I was sleeping with yours. She’s way better in bed than you ever were.

ADVICE:

- National parks are huge and make the perfect place to hide bodies. They’ll never find them.

- Nacho cheese… Totally!

- I’m about to try to create a marijuana alternative by using various plants growing in my back yard. If it kills me then I recommend you not do that.

- Run! Don’t stop to pack! If you want to live just get out of the house, go and keep going. Cripes! What are you waiting for? DO IT NOW!!!

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Feel free to adapt any of these for your  own use.

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