Thirty Seven Pound Cat Finds Home; Snooki Loses Forty Two Pounds; Coincidence? I Think Not.

OK, sports fans, spring is here, so it’s time to gear up for America’s favorite pastime. I’m speaking of course of celebrity watching. Also, funny cats. As we all know America’s spray tanned sweetheart, Snooki, hatched last August.  She’s been paparazzigraphed several times since then in her Mom body, which, apparently, she found unappealing. So, in a sudden turn shocking to nobody, she has lost 42 pounds in rapid order, striking a blow to the body images of women everywhere, some of whom will think she DID look overweight in her mom-bod and who will think she took that weight off with healthy eating and exercise.

Who knows. Maybe she did. Stranger things have happened. But if Hollywood History is any indicator of reality, the reality star probably just had liposuction. And airbrush surgery.

Also, there’s this. A giant cat recently turned up at an animal shelter.  The fact that the shelter wasn’t even in the same part of the country as Ms. Polizzi should be no bar to putting the two together. Think about it. This cat weighed in at 37 pounds. Snooki lost 42. The average baby is five pounds. That would have left her with 37. So there’s a very real possibility that doctors going in to restructure her figure got a real shock.

Doctor 1: You’re not going to believe this

Doctor 2: Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?

Nurse: Don’t just stand there! Get it out.

Cat: Feed me damn it!

The cat, of course, would have needed to be handled discreetly. Hence, it was given to a shelter many miles away.

Sneaky guy in trench coat: Pssst. You wanna see something?

Shelter worker: I’ve seen everything

Sneaky guy: No, this is really something {opens coat}

Shelter worker: Oh my GOD what is that thing?

Cat: Feed me damn it.

Bikini photo by memoflores (Guillermo Flores); Shameful remixing done by the Jessie the Jester Queen

Kitten photo by carterse (S. Carter) 

Bikini photo by memoflores (Guillermo Flores)

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