Be afraid! Be very afraid! If you live in or are visiting the UK this summer, be on the lookout for wasps. But not just any kind of wasp. These are wasps with nothing to lose, wasps without inhibitions. Wasps that are out of a job and have nothing left to do but get drunk and angry. You read right. Unemployed. Drunk. Angry. Wasps. BILLIONS OF THEM!
A release from the British Red Cross is warning that the local wasp population have met their lifetime quota and supplied their queens with all the nectar they’ll need. Now, with nothing else to do, these new “retirees” have been left up to their own devices while they count down their days to certain death as winter approaches. As such, they are doing what anyone else would do in a similar situation. They’re getting wasted. Feeding on fermented fruit, these ladies are killing their brain cells before winter (Or a rolled up magazine) claims the rest of them.
This was confirmed in the release by British Red Cross head of first aid, Joe Mulligan:
It’s hilarious that, now worker wasps have finished their life’s work, all they are doing now is feasting on fermented fruit and getting ‘drunk’.
For those who don’t know, I say “ladies” because worker class insects in species such as ants, bees and wasps are generally female. The males, on the other hand, usually get the cushy job of keeping the queen sexed up. I think we all should learn to appreciate the wisdom in nature’s design more often. Don’t you think?
But I digress. The real problem in all this is that wasps aren’t the “get drunk and wake up the next day wondering where they are, why there’s a naked housefly sleeping next to them and why they feel so… so dirty” types of drunks. Nope! A drunk wasp is an angry wasp. They’re more the “go out and pick fights with random strangers” types of drunks and a human about ten thousand times their size (Don’t hold me to the math) doesn’t seem so intimidating anymore.
So, to reiterate, there are billions of unemployed, drunk, angry, females, all carrying stabbing weapons and all capable of flight. Enjoy your summer, UK! Send me a postcard.