It’s entirely possible I watch too much Scandal. I mean, the show is pure genius, so can you blame me? Yet, as a result, I’ve learned a lot from Olivia Pope these last two seasons and fancy myself a bit of a political fixer myself. Surely I, ahem I mean Olivia, could have rehabilitated Anthony Weiner’s scandals.
I know a lot of you are probably Weinered out by now, but I think we can all learn from this tremendous dick’s mistakes.
If Weiner were a client of Pope and Associates, let’s be honest, Carlos Danger and the second wave of scandalous online behavior and all its glory never would have gone public.
But, let’s just say for the sake of argument that they did, that she wasn’t able to squash that bug and Weiner was in the spotlight yet again and not for his New York mayoral run, but for his incessant penis. Olivia Pope would have locked that dick down, controlled his public appearances, and showed him that voters can overlook any number of sexual scandals if they think a candidate is worth it.
They don’t, however, vote for assholes.
If Olivia Pope were fixing Weiner, he might never have acted like a scolded teenager with this woman.
He probably wouldn’t have called his opponent “grandpa.”
He might never have gotten into a screaming match with a man in a deli. Though, to be fair, the man did call Weiner’s wife Huma Abedin an Islamophobic slur.
And this gem would never have happened.
I suppose, for the sake of comedy, I should be glad Weiner never hired Olivia Pope. Pure gold right there. Pure.
Someone should really tell this deluded man, still, that nobody really cares about scandals if you act sorry and behave like a decent human being. Act like an asshole, however, and they’ll vote you into oblivion.