If there’s one thing this economic “crunch” has taught me in the last few years, is that it’s shown me where my true talents lie. What I’ve discovered is that I’m hugely talented at doing nothing. Here’s my résumé:
- I can play the same videogames again and again… and again for days until every achievement is unlocked.
- I can find the hit TV series that everyone’s all abuzz about and watch the first three seasons back-to-back online and be all caught up in no time.
- I can click between Facebook, Twitter, blogs and online game sites and repeat the whole process over and over in an endless loop before realizing that I completely wasted my
- Give me a good book and time no longer exists (Give me several and don’t expect to see me for a while).
A lot of people wouldn’t think these are things one should be boasting about, but then again, a lot of people are not NASA. That’s right! I said NASA.
It seems the good folks over there are actually paying people good money to do absolutely nothing and it’s not just for one or two days we’re talking about here. They’re offering about $5,000 a month to lie in bed for 70 days at a time.
The place: Johnson Space Center in Houston. In order to test the effects of microgravity on the human body, NASA is recruiting human test subjects. Lying in bed all day for extended periods is a good way to simulate the effects of microgravity. Unlike other, more expensive, methods this form of testing gives NASA’s scientists a chance to see what the effects look like in the long term.
After a two week observation, all test subjects have to do is lie there, not get up for anything, except to be occasionally poked and prodded by the scientists. You can do whatever you want to pass the time (As long as it’s G-rated, I assume) just don’t get out of bed. Whateveryoudo, DON’T GET OUT OF BED! The future of man’s survival in outer space depends on it!
How is this not total win? You basically, get to lie in bed for a little over two months, guilt free, because it’s “for science”. You’ll get paid a decent sum of money for your troubles and some of the testing even involves a small amount of exercise (For you health nuts out there) with specially designed equipment. Best of all you get to tell people you work for NASA.
Sadly, it’s only open US citizens, , which renders me ineligible.
While we’re discussing the downsides of the exercise, there’s also the whole irregular blood flow (Which leads to swelling of the face, hands and feet), accelerated loss of bone calcium (10 times the rate of an elderly person with osteoporosis), loss of muscle tissue and height increase thing to worry about.
Actually, I could do with some of that last one…
Don’t be too worried about those little issues, though. After each 70-day stint is over NASA puts each test subject into rehabilitation for two weeks to set things right again.
I only have one question. What happens when you have to use the bathroom?